Flood

We’re famous for our weather,

No two days are the same.

At least that used to be the case 

These days it’s always rain. 

Now Somerset’s an inland sea 

And Maidenhead’s a lake, 

The transport’s system’s broken down 

There’s not a train to take. 

While Pickles blames Lord Smith, 

Lord Smith blames lack of money, 

And meanwhile those who’ve flooded 

Don’t find it very funny, 

To have their houses full of shit, 

And who needs water features 

When their front garden’s been transformed 

To a home for river creatures.

But wait! I see a vision – 

Dave Cameron on his stallion! 

And hanging round his chubby neck 

Is a large and gold medallion. 

It reads “I am your saviour” 

'Oh yes,’ says Dave, ‘that’s me. 

Now give the people sandbags, 

Not one, not two but three! 

For funding is no object 

Don’t you know that we are rich? 

There’s lots of money here for dredging, 

Or to dig a drainage ditch.

Forget about austerity

And the hated bedroom tax

My Tory vote is sinking

So now I won’t relax.' 

Dave charges round the country, 

His rural vote to save. 

Too late, I fear, we’ve disappeared, 

Beneath a great big wave. 

GLUG.